By using this site, you agree to the Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.
Accept

xxxccc.xyz

  • Lifestyle
    LifestyleShow More
    Summer Dinner Recipes for When It’s Too Hot to Cook
    29/03/2023
    All the Frozen Pastas At Trader Joe’s, Ranked
    28/03/2023
    Easy Dinner Recipes For When You Don’t Want To Cook
    27/03/2023
    How to Decide on a Wedding Budget That Works for You
    26/03/2023
    The Productivity Tip You Need, Based on Your Enneagram
    25/03/2023
  • Finance
    FinanceShow More
    How Mindfulness Can Help Level Up Your Finances
    30/03/2023
    Money Questions Newlyweds Should Ask Each Other
    29/03/2023
    Expert Financial Advice Everyone Should Follow
    29/03/2023
    Meet Evernote: Our Best Kept Secret for Staying Ahead of the Workplace
    29/03/2023
    How Meditation Can Help You at Work
    29/03/2023
  • Sex
    SexShow More
    Why Are Milenials Having Less Sex?
    29/03/2023
    Does Size Really Matter? We’re Breaking It Down
    29/03/2023
    10 Sex Positions To Try When It’s Too Hot To Function
    29/03/2023
    12 Ways To Keep Your Sex Life Spicy
    28/03/2023
    How to Properly Clean Your Sex Toys
    28/03/2023
  • Sport
    SportShow More
    The Best Fitness Tips From Shay Mitchell’s Trainer
    28/03/2023
    The Workout Motivation Tips Our Editors Swear By
    27/03/2023
    Fitness Tips To Follow if You Hate Working Out
    27/03/2023
    6 Ways to Feel More Toned By Tomorrow
    26/03/2023
    A Personal Trainer’s Tips For Getting The Most from Your Workouts
    26/03/2023
  • Tech
    TechShow More
    OnePlus Nord CE 2 review
    29/03/2023
    Nubia Red Magic 7 review
    28/03/2023
    Realme 9 review
    27/03/2023
    Breville Barista Max review
    27/03/2023
    Apple iPhone 13 Mini review
    27/03/2023
  • Contact
  • English
    • Русский
    • Українська
    • Polski
    • Deutsch
Reading: What to Do When You Have Bad Sex With Your Partner
Share
Aa

xxxccc.xyz

Aa
  • Lifestyle
  • Finance
  • Sex
  • Sport
  • Tech
  • Contact
  • English
Search
  • Lifestyle
  • Finance
  • Sex
  • Sport
  • Tech
  • Contact
  • English
    • Русский
    • Українська
    • Polski
    • Deutsch
xxxccc.xyz > Sex > What to Do When You Have Bad Sex With Your Partner
Sex

What to Do When You Have Bad Sex With Your Partner

Casey Frazier
Last updated: 2022/09/19 at 12:52 PM
Casey Frazier Published 14/03/2023
Share

Imagine this: After endless swiping and more than a few mediocre dates, you finally meet someone you feel a genuine connection with. Whether you wait until date three, five, or ten—or decide to go home together on the first date—many of us don’t prepare ourselves for the possibility that the sex might not be as good as the chemistry we feel leading up to it.

Contents
1. The buildup may be hot, but focus more energy on the reality2. Read your partner’s body language before sex3. Experiment with yourself4. Remember you are always in control5. Speak up or take the lead6. Assess the situation afterward7. Leave your ego at the door

Sexual intimacy is just one indicator of a healthy relationship, but it’s a big factor for many people, and it can be completely disheartening to come out of your first sexual experience with a new partner feeling confused or let down. The most important thing to remember is that this is extremely common, and in most cases, couples can overcome these sexual obstacles if they’re dealt with early on. But that’s easier said than done, right?

It can be easy to forget that good sex with a good partner often takes a little work—and a lot of communication. Having walked away from a few potentially great partners because of the less-than-stellar sex, I decided to sit down with certified sex therapist and clinical sexologist Dr. Kristie Overstreet to get her expert advice on how to broach this situation in the future.

Screen-Shot-2021-07-28-at-4

Dr. Kristie Overstreet

CERTIFIED SEX THERAPIST, CLINICAL SEXOLOGIST

Dr. Overstreet has over 14 years of clinical experience and is an expert in relationships and LGBTQIA healthcare.

1. The buildup may be hot, but focus more energy on the reality

When we walk into a new sexual experience with heightened expectations and fantasies about that person, it can lead to an inevitable letdown when the sex is not exactly how you pictured it would be. Dr. Overstreet suggested avoiding this common mistake by talking to your partner before you have sex. “Ask your partner what they define as intimacy, what they like, and what they don’t like,” she advised. Take note of how comfortable they are talking about the subject. This is also a great time to get clear on your expectations for the relationship. Dr. Overstreet said a huge factor in post-sex anxiety is the two people having different expectations for the outcome. While it can be tempting to jump right in, you’ll save yourself a lot of stress if you know each other’s expectations going into it. Is it just a hookup? Is it a romantic relationship? Are you friends with benefits? There’s no right or wrong answer as long as you’re both on the same page.

gP06ML4w-e1625844160105

Source: Stoffer Photography for site

2. Read your partner’s body language before sex

This is for those of us who may not feel comfortable bringing up the sex topic early on. Dr. Overstreet said there’s a lot you can learn about how someone will be in bed based on their non-verbal cues leading up to it. “Gauge the amount of physical interaction before sex: hand squeezes, kissing, touching,” and take notice of whether they’re initiating these behaviors or if they’re “more reserved,” Dr. Overstreet explained.

3. Experiment with yourself

How can you expect someone else to give you what you want if you aren’t even sure what you want yourself? Dr. Overstreet reminded us that “self-exploration is a great way to figure out what you like.” Depending on the types of partners you’ve had in the past, “you may not have had a lot of opportunity or seen the need to figure out what you want,” Dr. Overstreet explained. Once you get comfortable with yourself through masturbation and self-exploration, you’ll have a much easier time opening up to your partner about what you want, and the sex will inevitably be better.

Once you get comfortable with yourself through masturbation, you’ll have a much easier time opening up to your partner about what you want, and the sex will inevitably be better.

4. Remember you are always in control

Dr. Overstreet stressed the fact that it doesn’t matter if you said yes initially. If at any point during the sexual experience you’re no longer enjoying it and want to stop, that is always in your power. “Just because you started doesn’t mean you don’t have 100 percent right to stop,” she reminded us.

5. Speak up or take the lead

If you do want to continue, know that you don’t have to wait until later to tell them what you liked and did not like. Every (good) partner is going to want to please you, so why not help them do it? Dr. Overstreet suggested “giving direction and guidance and including compliments along the way.” Tell your partner you like what they’re doing or what you would love for them to do. If something feels good, tell them. And again, if you don’t feel comfortable being verbal during sex, use non-verbal cues. Guide their hand or reposition their body to show them what you want. Just keep in mind that if you try this and they continue resisting, you may need to speak up and say something.

If something feels good, tell them. If you don’t feel comfortable being verbal during sex, use non-verbal cues.

we-vibe-wow-tech-QrBi2udhzsQ-unsplash-e1625844361549

Source: We Vibe | Unsplash

6. Assess the situation afterward

If, after the act, you still feel like the sex was not enjoyable, evaluate why. What could have made it better? Did you feel nervous or stuck in your head? Did your partner seem nervous? Dr. Overstreet said this is where communication is important again. Ask if your partner enjoyed it, what they liked, and what they might not have liked. If they’re not on the same page, be complimentary but try suggesting something different for next time. Dr. Overstreet recommended saying something like, “I wonder if we could try something different next time just to change it up” or “I really liked it when you _____, you should do that even more next time.” If you feel uncomfortable saying exactly what you want, Dr. Overstreet suggested asking, “Would it be OK if I speak up next time and tell you some things I’d like you to do?” What partner is going to say no to that, right? My guess is that they’ll be up for the challenge.

7. Leave your ego at the door

Listen, I know it can be difficult to not take it personally when you feel like a partner is criticizing sex with you, but Dr. Overstreet said not to “jump to conclusions that there is something wrong with you.” After all, how a partner reacts to this conversation can tell you a lot more about them than the first time in the bedroom can. If even one of you isn’t open to talking about it, the problem won’t be fixed.

An echoing theme in Dr. Overstreet’s advice is that everyone is different, so everyone is going to have varying sexual wants and needs. A partner may react badly to criticism by saying they’ve never had complaints before, but Dr. Overstreet said we need to “normalize the differences” when it comes to sexual desires and experiences. It is almost always less about “bad” sex and more about poor communication. If we fail to communicate what we want or have a partner who fails to listen, then the sex isn’t going to be as enjoyable as it could be. I personally have had partners tell me I want too much sex, don’t want enough sex, we don’t have great sex, or we have the best sex ever. Sex is not “one size fits all,” and if we want a good sex life, we need to stop approaching it like it is.

Casey Frazier 14/03/2023
Share this Article
Facebook Twitter Email Copy Link Print
Share
Previous Article The Sculpt Society’s Megan Roup Shares 2022’s Fitness Trends
Next Article 17 Interview Red Flags To Look Out For

Editor's Pick

How My Husband and I Reconciled Our Different Spending Habits
10 Sex Positions To Try When It’s Too Hot To Function
The Lazy Girl’s Guide To Tax Season
Why It’s OK for Your Parter to Masturbate

You Might Also Like

Sex

Why Are Milenials Having Less Sex?

29/03/2023
Sex

Does Size Really Matter? We’re Breaking It Down

29/03/2023
Sex

10 Sex Positions To Try When It’s Too Hot To Function

29/03/2023
Sex

12 Ways To Keep Your Sex Life Spicy

28/03/2023

Removed from reading list

Undo
Welcome Back!

Sign in to your account

Lost your password?